It's Actually You

“It’s not you, it’s me.”


Heard that before?


Generally this phrase gets thrown down during a break up of sorts, be it a love relationship, a friendship, a business deal. The only time it seems to be omitted, or rather, changed up, is when there is friction, anger, offence…..and now we’re spruking, “Oh. It’s totally and utterly you!”

I hate to break it to you but, more than likely…’s totally and utterly……..You.


*horrified gasp*


Keep your knickers on…


So, over the new year and a fair chunk into this one, I had the pleasure and life-course changing experience of working with a couple of business mentors and something that really struck home was, “It’s actually you.”

My angst, my ‘seemingly’ important issues, offences, troubles, conflicts……they were (are) all totally, utterly and completely, 100% me and if I wanted change then…….you guessed it……………it was (is) all going to have to begin and start with ME.

At this point, I was both enlightened and full of frustrated, angsty love/hate tension.

“But they…..! But it…..! But he…..! But she…..!”


But friggen nothing.


Yogi Bhajan said,

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behaviour toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.”


Kendall SummerHawk said,

“The Value we perceive in others is simply a mirror of our own magnificence.”


So, let’s flip that shall we because if that’s the case on the lovely side of the coin, then the opposite is also true…..


  • What is MY behaviour towards someone else saying about ME?

  • What is MY perception of other’s failings and shortcomings, saying about ME?

  • When I’m all shittified and stubborn towards my Mr, what is that saying about ME?


Sure. It takes “two to tango”. Sure. The Mr is not “perfect”. But then, neither am I *I know right?! So inserting another horrified gasp here….* *cheeky grin*

We (*ahem* “me”) can focus all of our energy on condemning, judging and correcting our partner (and others) when what would really help us would be a good long, open-minded look into the mirror.


“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”

– Ernest Holmes.


Dear Sweet Cheeks,

People do evoke feelings of angst, anger, frustration, sadness, pain and sometimes, they are complete and utter jerks.



The true power, the true lesson and the real answer lies in US, at OUR core, in OUR heart.


You are brave enough to go there.


Ju x